When to leave a small group

Portion of an article by Sam O'Neal

There's no straight answer, of course. But there are some common symptoms I've observed in my own life, and in the lives of others. Here are a few of the main ones:

You bring a negative attitude to the group. I would often pour out my frustrations to the rest of the group during our prayer and fellowship times. I wouldn't complain about the group situation, necessarily, but would instead gripe about my commute to work, our inability to purchase a home close to the church, our frustrations as new parents, etc. I knew things had gotten a little out of hand when my wife began to scold me after meetings for being "morose."

You continually "misfire" in your responsibilities within the group. Things like forgetting to answer homework questions, not following through on promises to pray for people, forgetting to bring snacks, and so on are all signs that you are mentally and emotionally detached from the group, if not physically.

You regularly fail to attend group meetings. This is physical detachment. If the group has become low enough on your priority list that you are unable to consistently attend, it's probably time to move on.

You've identified a clear alternative. Like Randy Frazee and his neighbor's community gatherings, sometimes there is a specific activity or opportunity that you find yourself thinking about often. "If I didn't have to go to small group, I could … ." Now, I'm not talking about a television show you'd like to watch, or more time spent at work. I'm talking about a different way to slake your inborn need for community.

You just know. Small groups are cyclical—they all have a pattern of birth, life, growth, decline, and death. The same thing is true for individual involvement in a small group, and sometimes you just know that the time has come to try something else.

In lieu of a conclusion, let me again emphasize that leaving a small group should not be your first response to difficulty, conflict, or any kind of stress within your group. It should not be your second response, or fifth. Any decision to walk away from a supportive community of Christians should be a last resort—a final option.

But sometimes we need to be reminded that it is an option. And if your small group has become something life-draining instead of life-giving, it's an option you may need to consider.

Read the whole article by Sam O'Neal
http://www.christianitytoday.com/smallgroups/articles/whenisasganothermeeting.html